


last kiss

by jinniefic



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Christmas, Hope?, M/M, Open Ending, a meloncholy christmas fic bc thats the mood tonight lads
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-14
Updated: 2019-11-14
Packaged: 2021-01-30 14:20:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21429613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jinniefic/pseuds/jinniefic
Summary: never thought we'd have a last kissnever imagined we'd end like thisyour name, forever the name on my lipsnico looks back on his relationship with will
Relationships: Nico di Angelo/Will Solace
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	last kiss

**Author's Note:**

> mmmmm so sorry

Snow glistened on the streets as multi-colored lights flashed around the city in what could have been the inside of a glass ornament. Dainty music box melodies of Christmas carols were hardly audible in the warmly lit shops and boutiques as Nico passed, head hung low and hands shoved into the pockets of his wool trench coat. Maybe he should pick something up for Hazel.

Sighing, Nico detoured to the small boutique with a dully lit sign hanging over it that read ‘Drew’s’. With the almost mocking sound of a bell as he opened the pastel pink painted door, Nico raked his eyes over the hangers holding countless scarves and belts of varying colors. He picked up a broach of a golden butterfly and took it to the register. Hazel loved subtle pieces of jewelry.

Just as he turned around, he bumped into a girl who immediately fumbled out an apology. Her voice was familiar- maybe someone he knew in passing, or a co-worker at some point. His internal sleuthing was put to a halt as her eyebrows knit together, and she softly asked, “Nico?” 

Nico looked up into clear blue eyes and felt his internal body temperature drop lower than the icicles dangling on the shop front’s window. She dyed her hair, bright green streaks laid on ginger hair replaced by a dark brown that seemed to be fading. She awkwardly smiled a smile that Nico read as “I’m still mad at you for hurting my brother but am exchanging pleasantries because I made the mistake of acknowledging you”. 

Nico had a million questions. How is he? Is he seeing anyone new? Does he still smell like sandalwood and vanilla? Is he having sleeping troubles without anyone to curl over like the human embodiment of safety?  _ Does he even think of me nearly as much as I do him? _

“Will’s fine. He’s still doing the med school thing and already landed a few possible residencies. I’m really proud of him, you know?” 

Nico wanted to run far away. Not just because of the almost challenging look in Kayla’s eyes or the instantaneous guilt he felt merely standing in her presence, but the pain he’d been trying to suppress and heal opening up like a fresh wound for what it seemed like the whole store could see. Of course Will was off doing well for himself, his light no longer being dimmed by Nico. Will was a flame that lit Nico’s body and soul- he was a flickering light that illuminated a cold and dark prison cell isolated from the rest of the world. A light that gave the cell warmth and life and  _ purpose.  _ But Nico realized flames that burn that bright don’t belong in dingy and stale prison cells...not when they could be warming something larger. Not when their light could rival the fucking sun.

After exchanging goodbyes, Nico left without half of the questions on his mind answered. He stumbled into his tiny apartment, numbly switching on the light as his roommate Jason grumbled and pulled his grey duvet over his head. Grabbing their only decorative pillow, he chucked it as hard as he could at Jason’s blanket nest. “ _ Ow.” _

“I ran into Will’s sister.” Jason peeked his eyes over the blanket as he took in Nico’s desolate expression. “Oh...shit.” 

Nico sat at the edge of his couch bed and cradled his head into his hands. He wanted to sob and have Jason tell him he was going to be okay, like the first time.  _ It’s not your fault, Nico. It’s his loss.  _ This time around he didn’t feel like being lied to- he knew it was  _ his  _ loss,  _ his  _ fault. His mistakes.

-

_ The words that you whispered _

_ For just us to know _

_ You told me you loved me _

_ So why did you go? _

_ - _

The digital clock by his bedside glowed the numbers 3:42 in bright red as Nico felt the arms around him tighten, holding him more secure as if trying to protect him from the nightmares Nico couldn’t see. He never remembered feeling so safe, so protected and loved than he did at that very moment. Nico never liked the nighttime, not since his insomnia started up and he’d become cursed to only seeing the world lit up by artificial neon lights. But now night had become the time for lying down with Will and taking turns as they each promised the other protection and warmth.

They had been dating for 2 months, and as cheesy as it sounded, Nico had never been so...at ease. Content. Happy. 

Will sighed and shifted their position as he nuzzled his face further into the crook of Nico’s neck. “I love you,” he muttered into Nico’s skin. “Just to let you know.”

Will loved him. Will, who decided at age 12 to go through hell to dedicate himself to saving others. Will, who intentionally bought clothes slightly oversized because he knew Nico would steal it. Will, who cooked ‘gourmet’ grilled cheeses for them on their anniversary so they could sit in their shitty lawn chairs and watch fireworks like in The Office. Nico didn’t know how he got so fortunate to even coexist with someone like Will, let alone be loved by him. “I love you too,” he said without hesitation. There would never be hesitation when it came to Will.

-

_ The life of the party, you're showing off again _

_ And I roll my eyes and then _

_ You pull me in _

_ I'm not much for dancing _

_ But for you I did _

-

The smell of cheap beer and fruity homemade cocktails wafted throughout the crowded house as Nico held onto Will’s hand like a lifeline and let himself be guided through the mass of drunken bodies. “You know, your ex-roommate isn’t the best host. And I doubt he’s gonna be happy with the, uh, toilet paper situation going on.”

“Oh, definitely not. But it’s hard feeling sorry for someone who has yet to give you their copy of Pacific Skyrim they ‘borrowed’ two years ago.” Without Nico noticing, Will held Nico in his arms from behind as he rested his chin on Nico’s shoulder and played with his arms like a ragdoll. “What are you doing, you dork?” Nico laughed.

“I’m pretending to be a ventriloquist.  _ Hi I’m Nico and I have the cutest smile known to man!  _ See how amusing this is for me?” 

Nico began to realize that being in a relationship with Will meant a lot of moments fighting between groaning from second hand embarrassment and blushing like a schoolgirl. He was so endeared it scared him sometimes. “You’re so dumb.”

“Dumb in love, yes.” With one swift motion, Will linked Nico’s hands with his and outstretched their arms, shimmying them in a quick rhythm and stupidly spinning them around in a circle. “What are you doing? Stop!” Nico screeched, but it was hard to sound threatening with laughter overtaking his body.

“What, we’re dancing! Look, we’re the life of the party!” Sure enough people were looking at them strangely if only for a moment before resuming their grinding and drinking. “They’re watching because this looks stupid,” Nico giggled.

“Nah, they’re just jealous. Now! Are you ready for the showstopper?” Without any time for resisting, Will picked Nico up and hoisted him over his shoulder as Nico protested through bouts of laughter. “Put me down, you soggy baguette!”

“But I have to twirl you around now 360 degrees!  _ Wheeee! _ ” 

As the night wore on, Nico’s entire body ached from dancing with Will, and his mind was blissfully numb without any drinks clouding his memory. Even with alcohol in his system, Nico didn’t know if he could ever forget a night like that.

-

_ So I'll go sit on the floor _

_ Wearing your clothes _

_ All that I know is that _

_ I don't know how to be something you miss _

-

Looking back, it happened in slow motion. It was inevitable, the end, and all good things must come to an end, Nico told himself.  _ Did you even try to stop it?  _

“We had an agreement, Nico! You swore, you  _ swore,  _ that you wouldn’t pull this bullshit anymore!” Will looked up at the ceiling of Nico’s apartment, inhaling in an obvious attempt to maintain his composure. He raked a hand through his curls aggressively and closed his eyes. Looking up at Nico earnestly, his gaze turned soft- soft yet undeniably hurt. “Why did you do it?” 

Nico didn’t know how to explain his actions- he’s not even sure himself why he does what he does most of the time. He just hurts people, and breaks their trust and makes them  _ leave.  _ Now here he goes, doing what he does best and making the one person who gave his life color after Bianca become a shadow. A remnant of what once breathed life into him.

“Nico...I think,” he started and Nico pleaded with his eyes.  _ Please don’t finish what I think you’re gonna say.  _ “You need to work on yourself. You need to see you the way I do, the way Jason does, and Piper and Hazel. I can’t keep…” A tear rolled down Will’s cheek as he fisted another hand through his golden hair. “I can’t be the answer, Nico. I need to set you free,” he choked out. 

Nico looked at Will sobbing, a face he had done everything to not see flushed red and tear stained like it was then, and suddenly it all made sense. The puzzle pieces and tattered pages joined together in disjointed harmony.

Nico, who had grown so used to being by himself or left alone was never good at dealing with the loneliness. When he was eleven, a year after Bianca passed, he cured the loneliness and pain of seeing the disappointing, heartbroken face of his father by practicing extra hours on the piano and baking homemade focaccia bread like his sister never left. He saved her seat at the table and did his best to beam at his father as he took a bite from their Sunday family dinners. Looking back, he knows he was foolish- foolish for thinking he could wish Bianca back to life and foolish for waiting week after week to see his father do  _ something  _ to acknowledge him. 

By the age of fifteen, he found himself numbing the loneliness through burning liquid and heated touches from _a_nyone who was willing to pretend for just a moment that they were actually _making love, in love. _Nico knew it wasn’t love, and everyone at school who ultimately coined him the school ‘slut’ definitely knew it- it was what kept them coming back for more. It helped though, and made him feel wanted and desirable.

Then came Will who made him feel like goddamn treasure and a secret shared between only the two of them. Like he was never once labelled a ‘whore’ in his life, and he could be truly desirable as just him. According to Will, he was ‘amazing’, ‘stunning’, ‘beautiful’, ‘sexy’, ‘adorable’, ‘too good to be true’. And maybe he was too dependent on him. Maybe Will really meant that he got tired of waiting for Nico to get over himself and realize he was hurting people. Maybe he felt weighed down by him. Nico couldn’t really blame him for any of that.

As Nico got older and he met Will and made friends and became genuinely  _ happy,  _ he learned to appreciate the moments he got to himself- to cherish them. But those nagging voices always told him every now and then that he should do everyone a favor and just...leave. Escape to the Mediterranean. Backpack through Europe. Not bother with existence at all. 

Maybe Will was right and he needed to fix...everything, him in general. He needed to finally be  _ deserving  _ of Will’s love. 

Until that moment came, Nico sat huddled in Will’s high school track team hoodie, watching the small white car become lost in the city street bustle as his body shook and twitched to his long line of sobs. 

-

_ Never thought we'd have a last kiss _

_ Never imagined we'd end like this _

_ Your name, forever the name on my lips _

-

“You look rough, hermano.”

Nico shook his wet hair purposefully, flinging droplets of water onto Leo as he continued shovelling Coco Crisps in his mouth. “Gah, rude! Jason, Nico’s causing me physical harm!”

“Nico stop causing Leo physical harm. No matter how much he deserves it,” Jason yelled over the vacuum in the hallway. 

“Leo’s here in our kitchen eating  _ our  _ cereal. I find it offensive,” he shrugged. Leo eyed his dark circles and grimaced. “What?” Nico snapped.

Leo put his hands up in surrender. “Nothing, muchacho. Just observing the fact you look a little more undead than usual.”

Nico rolled his eyes and poured himself a bowl of Frosted Flakes, shaking the cereal out more forcefully than necessary. “Does this have to do with the you-know-who situation?” Leo asked lowly. “Because...maybe you should talk to him. I think it’s time, Nico. There was a lot of stuff the both of you kept in the dark and look where it’s got you guys. You need closure, man.” 

Leo went back to inhaling more cereal and moved to make himself another bowl. “You know, I really hate it when you make sense. Plus, shouldn’t he come to me? He’s the one who  _ set me free  _ and all that.”

Leo snapped his fingers in an ‘aha’ motion and pointed at Nico. “That stubborness is what landed you here, bro! That kind of attitude is  _ exactly  _ why you’re sitting here with me eating cereal instead of having glorious morning sex with Mr. Sunshine.” He picked up the bowl and Nico watched in horror as he slurped and licked at the remaining chocolate milk in his bowl. “Do it man. Or live with what could be your life’s biggest regret.”

-

“Thanks for the moral support, sis.” Hazel grinned as she wrapped his hands around the assorted platter of cookies. “Are you sure he’ll be here?” 

“Oh definitely, Nico. I heard from Frank who heard from Reyna who heard from Travis who heard from Connor who heard from Cecil who heard from Lou Ellen who heard from Kayla. He’ll be here, I swear it. And who could resist homemade cookies?” Nico couldn’t help but smile at his sister’s childlike innocence and optimism. “God, what do I say?”

Hazel placed a comforting hand on his bright red sweater. “Just be honest, Nico. About  _ everything. _ ”

The room was too stuffy and the clash of red and green and the occasional gold made it look like a traffic light themed party. But then Will walked in with a  _ hideous  _ knit sweater with what seemed to be a goose on it and Nico found the room grow that much stuffier, hard to breathe in. Blue eyes that felt so familiar yet foreign met his and as “Last Christmas” played with Hazel as their witness, Nico stepped forward to mend the broken pieces together.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> lmao that was ... something i vomitted bc i kept listening to 'last kiss' and 'if this was a movie' by taylor swift. i'll try to write something of more substance and a bit more uhh fun lol but i just had to have written (1) obligatory angst fic at some point tbh


End file.
